The self-help arena is massive and usually new age in nature, yet the path to truth starts with a desire for the truth about ourselves. What makes us who we are?
Growing up, I was introduced to Jesus and the Holy Bible, it was a part of my life in some measure, and I’m very grateful for this. I’m not sure how much of my personality and values come from those early introductions to the Christian faith, yet I believe it helped me grow a conscience.
Besides a testimony about myself, I want to write about how group counseling can help a person grow, and how the literature of Al-Anon, AA, and other twelve step programs can help us gain insight into why we feel the way we do, why we behave or think the way we do.
I don’t think we understand how much alcoholism and drugs affect our lives, how deeply it shapes our perception about ourselves and others. Much of how we interact and deal with others is based on what was lacking in our families and growing up.
Many times, we are stunted and unable to really come to terms with how another person’s addiction affects us. We want to trust ourselves, defend the way we deal with people and situations, rationalize our actions and thoughts, yet if we don’t question where it comes from, we might find ourselves in a mess of our own making — all the while we were just trying to help and be good people.
That is why these programs are so vital to so many people, a lifeline in a world of darkness and loneliness. People who may not have a Bible study, may not have a social group of any kind to look forward to and make friends, these programs offer hope to their lives.
I went to Al-Anon the first time when I was around 22 years old, in the upstairs of a recovery facility. It was mostly middle-aged women, a few men in a group of about a dozen. It was a great break through for me at the time, I never even knew a place like this even existed. I didn’t think going to church would’ve helped, I probably wouldn’t have met people who I could talk about these things with and could relate to.
These people could relate to what I was saying and understand what I was going through, even though I was just a young man who looked even younger. I had tears in my eyes, finally explaining to these strangers, the struggles I didn’t even know I had, yet suspected (why I went in the first place).
I ended up going to AA after that and stopped drinking for an entire year. I stopped my binge drinking and all the emotional problems it was bringing me. I wasn’t a full blown alcoholic, yet I was allergic to the stuff, it was like fire water to me.
There is so much there, so many avenues to explain, so many stories and thoughts to share, it was amazing to be there with these people for that year. I didn’t go back to Al-Anon, yet later in life, now in my late 40s, I’ve bought the book and have started reading and working the program again. It has been very helpful.
Maybe, healing is the word, also gaining validation and understanding for the inner and outer struggles we go through when we are dealing with people we love who are suffering from alcoholism or drug addiction, or the affects of it. Even just loved ones who are going down the wrong path, the wrong track, and we are helpless to help them, to rescue them.
Coming from a family with these problems doesn’t mean we weren’t loved and cared for, and that is part of the challenge. How do we assess what things really are, if it makes us feel guilty and bad in the end? That is part of how it affects us, in ways that are deeply ingrained.
We are angry on the one hand, and deeply concerned on the other, feeling guilty for criticizing the ones we love, even when they are going down the wrong path.
Al-Anon isn’t just for wives and husbands of alcoholics, it is for children, siblings, and friends of alcoholics, drug addicts, and those who also have mental problems or spiritual problems. These programs are about helping us come to terms with the reality we are dealing with and having the tools to not make it worse for ourselves or them.
I like to call them, problem people, cause they make problems for other people and themselves; instead of helping to fix or solve problems, they seem to mostly make them and seemingly aren’t even worried about doing it (or acknowledge that they do). I know we can all be problem people at times, yet there are people who do it more than not, and the real problem is they don’t even see it.
Or do they? Can they not help it.
That is the crux of it, we all have to live by the choices we make. We all make our personal choices in life, and no one can stop anyone from doing it. Yet, some people simply blame everyone else for their choices, or at least they do this more often than not.
As our culture becomes more of a victim culture, this problem is becoming epidemic, there are more problem people than ever, and not enough people who are trying to help solve problems for others. Yet, I can’t allow myself to also become a victim of anyone else, then I too would be part of the blame culture, not being accountable for my own choices.
That is why Al-Anon is so helpful in particular for people who are dealing with loved ones who are these problem people. We don’t want to live our lives as victims of them, and that is where the program helps. It gives us the tools, the wisdom, the support, and the insights needed to navigate the complexities involved with addiction and the mental and spiritual health problems it brings.
Many of us are alone dealing with these struggles, the affects of alcoholism and addiction adding to the distance from others, adding to our inability to connect with people who haven’t dealt with these things to the same level or measure. This is another reason why these programs are so helpful, they bring us people who don’t judge us and who can relate with how we feel and how we think.
The modern world is full of dysfunction in families, full of alcoholism and addiction, it is part of the plan of the enemy and the social engineers who control the world, to divide and conquer. The drugs, the vices, the sexual degradation, all have been placed in our society and culture at every level to make it harder and harder to find strength and peace in this modern world.
Another reason why these programs are so helpful. If we find sincere people who are truly trying to get help, who need the lifeline, it can be very helpful and strengthening in a world of despair and loneliness.
Churches can be like this too, often, these programs are held in church buildings. Many of the people who go to these programs are also Christians, yet the main theme everyone can relate to is the struggle of dealing with loved ones who are alcoholics or drug addicts, or those substances have played a large part in their going down the wrong track.
One last point in this article, I just want to point out the lack of community in the modern world, in America at least, cause that is what I know. The lack of community for many people in the shadows of the cities and towns, is profoundly sad. Maybe the rich have community, rich people seem to always have friends, or it is easier when you have money or status, yet most of us aren’t rich, we are just getting by in this modern society.
These programs offer a community for those who want it, for those who need it, and the best part is it is a community of people who can relate to the same problems we are facing. They can bring comfort and understanding to our hearts about the problems we have trouble not worrying about all the time, our problem people who we love.
I’m reading the book How Al-Anon Works for Families and Friends of Alcoholics and the book Courage to Change. These have gotten me back into the program, learning about how these things affect me, and how to deal with them in the most positive way possible. I’ve also stopped smoking cannabis, which is the addiction I’ve had the biggest problem with in my life. I’m so glad I’m sober, it is the best thing I can do to help myself and those I love. I also read the MA book, Life With Hope.
I live way out in the country and there aren’t meetings of these sorts around me, yet there are now meetings on the apps, which is better than nothing. I think going in person is the best therapy, yet hearing people live and having the opportunity to share is very helpful to those in remote areas or who have trouble getting out of their homes.
There is much more I could say, yet I will save it for another time. I’m just glad I’m back in the programs and learning more about myself again. I don’t think I ever stopped learning about myself, yet specifically about how alcoholism and drug addiction have affected me, that is where these particular programs are key in helping us as a lifeline in a modern world where dysfunction is the norm anymore.
In conclusion, I just want to say, I have a deep faith in the KJV Holy Bible and this is my main source of hope, strength, wisdom, and truth. The faith of Jesus Christ and the Word of God are vital for me, yet these programs don’t contradict my faith, they simply help me understand the specifics of how alcohol and drugs affect me, and how to deal with those in my life who have been devastated by the abuse of them.
I pray God blesses you and helps you mightily with your struggles and the people who you love who are struggling with substances and the affects of them.
Originally published at Substack
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